Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I cut my penus on the lid.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
