Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
