He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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