I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
