My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
