Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
