what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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