Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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