Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
