Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
