dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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