Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
