It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
