Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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