there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
MIDGETS
????
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
