When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
