I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
