Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
