All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
