i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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