dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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