I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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