Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
