How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
