Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
