see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
