i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
