Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
