Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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