I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
