Just cropdusted the office
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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