i already hear my dad disowning me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
