dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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