mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
