Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
