So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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