Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
