you traded sex for a burrito?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
