I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
