You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
