Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
