Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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