Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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