saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
