You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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