be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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