Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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