Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
