I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
