if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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