How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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